Asshole Chefs Make Me Pucker- My Lust For Gordon Ramsey and Anthony Bourdain
I have the biggest hard-on for Anthony Bourdain and Gordon Ramsey and I can admit to it. I used to eat at Brasserie Les Halles on Park Ave. in NYC when I lived there between ‘98 and 2001 all the time. Once a week or so, I’d go there for lunch consisting of either steak au poivre or moules frites since it was down the street from the old Arena Blaze location. I had no idea who Anthony Bourdain was then (I only discovered his magnificence after I had moved). It pains me now to think I could have gone into that kitchen past all of his vato mostly Mexican staff and seduced him right there in his steaming kitchen. ::sigh::
His shows are amazing. His books even more so and not just the food-related ones. I absolutely love his novels Bone In the Throat and Gone Bamboo. He’s gritty and raw; honest and decadent. He is a sensualist in that he adores food and travel with fervor. The smells, the sights- the experiences. I can’t help but wish i was 15 years older so I might have bumped into him in NYC at CBGBs or some other such haunt since he has similiar taste in music. Now I can only hope to one day bump into him at some dive bar somewhere while picking Stooges songs on the jukebox and have a few shots at the bar while discussing his appreciation for Latino workers in America’s kitchens. So yeah, I’m gushing.
My love affair with Gordon Ramsey is a little different though the fact the he and AB are close friends does make it a little perverse. He’s about the bluntest motherfucker in the universe and doesn’t suffer fools. He ruthlessly vies to bring out the best in people through extreme discipline. I find that sort of thing refreshing, coming from Southern California the land of yes men and the two-faced where no one is what they say they are and everyone plays at being a friend. I wish more people were as honest as that in this universe.
Now before anyone starts messaging me thinking that trying to emulate these brash, foul-mouthed qualities is going to endear you to me, sorry…I don’t think it’s going to work. Mistresses can have fantasies too and while these two have a part in them, you don’t. Too bad, both of those bastards are married.
